It's my nature to be "others oriented". I'm happiest when I'm making someone else happy. It makes my day to put a smile on someone else's face. I live to love, and love to give.
Recently I forwarded "The 100/0 Principle" video by Simple Truths to a few close friends. The subtitle is "The Secret of Great Relationships"...something most people want to know. I found myself watching this video several times. I found it very inspiring, and shared it with people I care about. The 100/0 Principle is powerful. It is, simply stated, 'about giving without expecting anything in return. You take full responsibility for the relationship, expecting nothing in return. Step One: You demonstrate respect and kindness for the other person, whether they deserve it or not. Step Two: Do not expect anything in return. Zero, zip, nada. Step Three: Be persistent in your graciousness and kindness. Often, we give up too soon'.
The 100/0 paradox is stated thus: 'When you take authentic responsibility for a relationship, more often than not the other person quickly chooses to take responsibility as well. Consequently, the 100/0 relationship quickly transforms into something approaching 100/100. when that occurs, true breakthroughs happen for the individuals, their teams, their organizations and their families.'
The video closes with this admonition: 'Remember, the 100/0 Principle is about giving, not taking. It's about the heart, not the head. It's about kindness, respect and patience. It's a little thing that makes a big difference. Be 100/0...it could change your life.'
Notice the line that says '...more often than not the other person quickly chooses to take responsibility as well'. More often than not...but not always. So what happens when the other person doesn't choose to take responsibility for their part in your relationship, and you find yourself giving, and giving, and giving, and giving, expecting... and receiving... nothing in return? Ever. If it's 'about the heart and not the head' what do you do when your heart is not taken care of, when you feels like it's slowly withering away?
What do you do when you have been persistent in your graciousness and kindness, giving without thought of receiving, demonstrating respect and kindness for the other person whether deserved or undeserved and they don't make the same choice, the breakthrough doesn't ever come, they never take responsibility for the relationship? How long is long enough to wait?
While it's true that no one person can meet our every need, and neither should we expect them to, let's face it~a one-sided relationship is not very fulfilling. A fulfilling relationship is a reciprocal relationship. Where there is no reciprocity, there is selfishness. Even our Heavenly Father, God, the originator of unconditional love, needs the love of His children. We are what He longed for, through the ages. We are those for whom He's planned "an eternal feast"...a banquet of never ending fellowship with Him throughout eternity.
While selfishness in an infant or small child is understandable until they become somewhat self-aware and begin to realize that a smile elicits a smile in return, a hug is rewarded with a hug, an "I love you" with an equally warm and satisfying "I love you, too", adults should be able to expect a slightly more evolved level of giving from one another. I'm talking about reciprocity.
Relationships. What would life be without them? Quite empty, I would imagine. I value my relationships highly. I work hard to maintain them. I have learned in recent years, however, that sometimes a given relationship~perhaps even one spanning years, in which untold amounts of giving have been invested~is simply not emotionally, mentally, physically or even spiritually profitable to maintain. Sometimes, giving consistently without receiving anything is return is like dying a slow, tortuous death. It can be incredibly draining to keep giving, investing "heart time" in a relationship year after year and receive nothing in return for your efforts.
Perhaps 'nothing' is overstating it. But there does come a point, I believe, when a person must evaluate their relationships and take an honest emotional inventory. Are your relationships satisfying? If not, have you done your utmost to be the "giver" and not the "taker"? If you can answer "yes" to the first question, wonderful. Maintain those relationships! Enjoy them, nurture them, thank God for them. If you answered "yes" to the second question but the other person has not chosen to take responsibility for the relationship and you are no longer satisfied with your one-dimensional, unreciprocated giving, well, then perhaps it's time to consider changing the dynamic... or ending the relationship altogether.
I am not saying it is an easy decision to end any relationship. It may be the hardest thing we are called upon to do. But, it is often the necessary thing. Sometimes there is no "good" choice, only the lesser of two evils. The proverbial "ripping off the Band-aid". Sometimes there are no easy answers, but you know in your giving heart that no matter how much you give to the other person, it will always be one-sided and you will be on the short end of the stick. And the day comes when you're just not willing to live there anymore.
While we can always choose to give, we cannot make someone else's choices for them. If you are in a relationship that drains you more than it sustains you, you must decide at some point if the effort required to maintain that relationship is worth it. Is it truly essential to your happiness or have you simply settled, and become accustomed to always being on the giving end? Unless you enjoy being a martyr, the solution is obvious. Seek out those reciprocal relationships that are mutually satisfying, where both parties are "givers" and therefore both are "receivers" as well.
I recently had a conversation with a friend who was, for the first time in his adult life, in a relationship with another "giver". He was enjoying being on the receiving end, an unfamiliar place for him. "It's almost funny" he said, "The way we try to one-up and out-give each other. She'll even try to anticipate something I'm going to do for her and then try to beat me to the punch; I love it! It makes me want to do more and more for her, because I know she appreciates it, and because she does so much for me. I'm not used to it, but I'm learning to enjoy it". Now that's reciprocity! That's how it should be.
I'm thankful to Simple Truths for their 100/0 Principle video. It made me take stock of the relationships in my life, and I'm glad to say that to my knowledge, all of my relationships are reciprocal to some degree. I have ended those that are not, those that do not feed my soul, those without true heart. It was not an easy task, in fact at times I thought I would never recover from the pain severing those relationships caused. But the "ripping off of the Band-aid" has allowed those festering wounds the fresh, clean air and light of day essential to healing.
Unless I resort to picking at them by looking through the rear view mirror of my life and asking endless "Did I do enough? Did I try hard enough? Did I love big enough? Did I give up too soon? Was I too unforgiving? Too hard to please?" questions, I know that as I put the past firmly behind me, the scars will fade away until they are indistinguishable, replaced with the healthy tissue of loving, caring, reciprocal, 100/100 relationships.
I wish the same for you. To view the 100/0 Principle video, click here: https://news.simpletruths.com/servlet/cc6?kpuitLQSDBUQTVJoLjLtPggxnuHptQJhuVaVR
God bless you.
--
'Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.' ~ J. M. Barrie
